Coming out of the closet

All these years I have been hiding a secret from the family. Well it was not even really a secret you all know I did it and we just all never chose to discuss it. In reality it kind of made me feel a bit detached living that way. The truth must come out now as I am going through a life changing transition. With my third kid on the way and my birthday that just happened I started to feel really old. My shortness of breath was getting worse and when I got my mountain bike I was not able to ride it very long at all. I was getting way to winded way to fast. Yes I know I was out of shape and I know I don’t live the healthiest of lifestyles. I can also contribute this to the fact that I was up to about a pack and a half a day of cigarettes.

Now yes I have been smoking for what I would consider a long time… About 49% of my life so far. Don’t ask me why I started I do not know. I have tried to quit before but I just was not happy with myself. I switched into a depressed, angry, and irritable person. I would get very snappy and edgy which didn’t go well with the way I like to live life… Like a blade of grass just going with the flow.

On top of this I always felt the need to hide my habit because I felt as if I would no longer be accepted as one of the family. Smoking was shunned in our house which is understandable it is a horrible habit to have. I feel I was forced to hide things as you don’t want to get things taken away or no longer feel wanted within your own household.

Anyways all you guys knew I was a smoker I feel you just never knew how heavy of a smoker I was. When visiting for long periods of time I would switch to chewing packets to make sure I could maintain my cool. Nicotine controlled what I was doing and I accept that myself.

Now I am not a closet smoker per say as I smoke quite openly when I have living my life on a day to basis in my normal surroundings.

I got to thinking about when Nanny had her last quitting attempt and she said Katie wanted to hug her so much more when she was not so stinky. You know those long hugs you get from your kids. I thought about the hugs with my daughter and I know I smell so badly of smoke by time I get home from work due to my own habit and the habit of others.

Trisha was always frustrated that I hid my habit from you guys because when people came to visit I would go long hours without nicotine which would always kind of put me in one of those moods. I hid my irritability well I thought but she told me I would get very snappy with her. This was not intential of course it is just a side effect of not getting your fix.

Anyways I have found a replacement to my smoking. I am still a nicotine addict which really does not bug me that much. Nicotine in its pure form is just as bad as caffeine and it is a risk I am willing to take. I have switched over to using a personal vaporizer to get my nicotine intake. There is no bad smell, no 4000 chemicals you are taking in like a cigarette, and no tar what so ever. Pretty much what is happening is you have nicotine extracted from the tobacco plant then they are cutting it with glycerin and water. These gadget are powered by a lithon-ion battery which instantly heats an element to 255 degrees and vaporizes your juice.

You may have heard of the electronic cigarette and there are a lot of misconceptions about them. The FDA put out a scare to the media which has made a lot of people scared. What the FDA said was that when they examined the juice they found traces of three different chemicals and nicotine. Then they went on to say that the long term effects of these devices are unknown. Now I am willing to take the risks the FDA has warned me of because when I smoked a cigarette I was inhaling tar, nicotine and 4000 other chemicals.

The only real reason the FDA got involved with these gadgets is because of the way they were being marketed to their customers. These e-cigs were being marketed as a quit smoking device which really they are not… They do make you quit smoking I have experienced this over the last two days.

Yes two days ago I got my e-cig in the mail shipped right from California. I have not touched a cigarette since. Yes you still get the urge to smoke because you are addicted to those other chemicals but it is way easier to overcome with your e-cig. You get that hand to mouth sensation and your nicotine fix at the same time.

Now I could have very easily hid this from everyone in the same way I did smoking but I am tired of living that lie. I feel as though I can be accepted by the family since I have removed everything that is dirty from the smoking habit and I have cleaned it up into something that is no worse than drinking coffee, tea, or soda on a daily basis.

I am sharing all this with you because I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to make myself go through the stress of worrying about things. I am already losing my hair and I want to try to keep most of it at least for 5 more years. I hope I am not shunned the same way I feel I would have been as a smoker. If you choose not to accept me because of a nicotine addiction so be it. Nicotine is used in medications to treat a variety of different illnesses. The only con to nicotine is heart dieses which is the con to caffeine. I am not trying to justify this in any way. I am an addict and apparently I do not want to try giving up the drug at this time.

It feels so good to get this off my chest and I hope you guys take the news well… I am just looking for support. My wife is behind me 100% and she was skeptical at first but she has seen that I am still happy and my mood is not changing and she likes that I do not stink anymore! You are even able to vape in the house to make it smell a little better and second hand vape is harmless since its just water and glycerin vapor. I still will not vape around my children as it would just feel odd to do just like you never smoke around your kids.

I am going to attach a banner to this post that will show how long my progress is keeping up.

Nanny if you would like more info let me know and I will come up and give you a demonstration of how everything works and we can talk about start up cost and so forth. For Canadians you would save so much money you would be shocked.

If you would like to do more reading on this full thing since I know you guys are a bunch of worry warts then please follow this link.

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com

This was so hard for me to type out and I hope it is well received.

Love James